Steve and I decided early on in our marriage, like before the first one together, not to celebrate Valentine's Day. I didn't want him to feel obligated or pressured to find some wonderful thing every year to express his love for me. I wanted him to be able to do that anytime he felt like it in any manner he wished. Consequently, the only time he ever bought me flowers, which are a wasteful extravagance, was when he thought I was depressed and that they would cheer me up. I wasn't depressed, but I was very touched by his thoughtfulness.
I didn't get married for the first time until I was forty-one, so I've spent my share of years as a single woman, believe me. Not having a Valentine on Valentine's Day was just not something that overly bothered me. I know that it does a lot of people, but I wasn't one of them, for the most part. Many years ago, I dated a man who did not give me the fairly inexpensive cordless screwdriver that I very much wanted for Valentine's Day; instead he sent me a much more expensive, ostentatious floral bouquet which he had sent to my office. His gift wasn't for me because his intent wasn't to make me happy; his gift was for himself because his intent was to show off. So Valentine's Day can be a double-edged sword, if wielded in the wrong hands.
However, no matter how much you love yourself, sometimes you still crave the companionship of another person. If you're praying for the right person to show up in your life, sometimes it helps to say the right prayer (sometimes it also helps to throw a little feng shui in there too, but I'll get to that later). For years, I prayed for a husband, and at one point God sent me one- it turned out he was somebody else's husband. So that was the wrong prayer. It finally dawned on me that it wasn't a husband that I wanted so much as it was a long and happy marriage, so I prayed for that instead; I said a big, fat prayer, and then turned it over to God and forgot about it. I didn't say another one. That was in December of 2000. At this time, I also read up on feng shui, and put a few cures in the love and marriage corner of my house. And forgot about those too. Then I started dating a fellow in January. We dated for three months, and then had a pretty bad fight one Saturday night. Sunday night we apologized to each other. Monday night we decided not to see each other anymore. Tuesday I had a migraine. Wednesday, I came to work and my boss wanted to see me in her office. She told me that someone was interested in me and it was Steve. I told her I had to think about it and I'd let her know the next day. I did think about it. Steve was awfully staid and business-like at work, and I didn't know if I could get excited about this guy. But there was something awfully weird about the timing, so I decided to go for it. I told her the next day that he could call me, which he did that night; that was on Thursday. We hung out together at Karen's going away party that Friday night, and had our first date that Saturday night. This was roughly in April. We were married the following November, and have been married nine years. I don't know if it was the big, fat prayer, or the feng shui cures, but between them, some serious juju happened, and I found the great love of my life.
I wish the same Great Love for everyone, and if you're still waiting on it, don't forget to love yourself first. Everyday is Valentine's Day if you don't confine it to February 14th.